When the idea was first brought up, the answer was a hard no
Melanie Berglund, a songwriter from Saskatchewan, wrote this first-person piece. Seefor more information on First Person stories.the FAQ.
I’m a feminist. I started using Blake’s last name when I got married.
When the idea was first brought up, the answer was a hard no.. In retrospect, it was such a hard no that I regret not delivering it with more tact.
Change my name, though? What would be the point?
We didn’t have any kids and didn’t plan to have any. My name has something to do with my job. I thought it would make me stand out if I didn’t change it.
Wanting to belon
Before our wedding, I was texting my soon-to-be sister-in-law, Brittany, more often. She is great at putting together plans for events, decorating, and giving gifts. A lot of questions are also asked by her.
“What sort of cakes do you have in mind?” she’d text.
“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t like icing, “I’d complain.
She’d say, “A naked cake would be lovely.”
I typed “naked cake” into Google, and there it was: the perfect answer.
I also told Brittany that we planned to have meat, cheese, pickles, and other food out for guests at the hunting cabin where we were having the reception. I said that it was like a dream version of our “pre-show rider,” which is a list of requests that we give to the artist before the show. It was called a “charcuterie board” by her. A more elegant term by far.
Even though we were texting, I felt like I was getting to know her better when we saw each other in person.
She would ask, “How was the drive?”
“The roads were fine, but Blake has this thing where he taps the accelerator with his foot.” “It makes me want to puke.”
“Jarid does that too!”
One time, I was telling Jarid and Brittany a story, and Blake had his foot under the corner of a stool. He was bouncing it around while I talked. I reached out and grabbed his knee, “Please stop. It’s such a bother.”
“That’s just like Jarid!”
She and I would have to deal with verbal protests that both acknowledged and questioned what we had been through, but we knew the truth. We were the only ones who knew what it was like to be married to a Berglund boy.
That’s when I knew I wanted to be a part of something. I wanted to give in to that desire,andFor them, it’s kind of like a gift.
In the past, it was a choice, not a requirement. It made me feel like a new person in the world.
What our names say about u
I know that having a stage name gave me the freedom to choose what I wanted to do. But even though our names are how people know who we are, they are not who we are.
The work I’ve done doesn’t change if I sign my name as Melanie Hankewich, Belle Plaine, or Melanie Berglund.
The environment had a bigger effect on the women in my family than a name change. My mom was still the same person when her name was changed from LaVonne Johnson to LaVonne Hankewich and then to LaVonne Sunderland. She was the same kind, caring caregiver, mother, wife, and nurse in all of these roles. I would say that her life gets more interesting when her independence is taken into account.
As a writer, feminist, and performer, I find it much more interesting to be someone who knows their own worth, upholds values with honesty and integrity, and helps both the world and themselves grow and change. This could never be called anything.
The best names are given with an eye toward the future or a link to someone loved.
At their worst, their shadows of ownership are like echoes of ways people have been mistreated in the past. Accepting the facts about why names were changed in the past is important, both to understand women’s lives when we didn’t have rights and to see the damage that was done to those who were enslaved, moved, or had their names changed by colonizers.
In the end, I made the decision to use my husband’s name. I got married when I was 38. At that time in my life, I felt very independent. I know that our relationship is complicated, but I want to keep things simple by giving us both the same name when we get married.
At the end of the day, isn’t it true that feminism is about being able to choose who we want to be and how we want to get there?
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