Becoming a Canadian citizen has given me culture shock and changed the way I look at things in good ways
This First Person piece was written by Olabisi Adesina, a business professional from Nigeria who lives in Regina. To find out more about CBC’s Opinion section, please see the FAQ.
When I came down the stairs the other day, I saw my 12-year-old daughter playing a game with her college-aged (18) 18-year-old brother and his friend. They talked back and forth, almost as if they were equals.
As I watched them, I thought about how much our culture has changed.
Back home, a 12-year-old would never sit down with an 18-year-old, call them by their first names, and talk to them like they were the same age. I was taught to call older people “aunty” and “uncle” as a sign of respect, even if they were my own siblings.My own brothers and sisters still call me “aunty Bisi” to this day.
My kids don’t care at all about this tradition.
I was happy when I moved to Canada and became a Canadian citizen, but I didn’t expect my children and I to have some problems because of our different cultures. It has made me feel bad at times, but it has also helped me see things in a better way.
When I was growing up, I saw kids who had two different sides. At home, they seemed calm, but outside the house, they were wild. I thought this was awful and swore that my kids would never do something like that. I want my kids to be brave, not afraid of anything, and sure of themselves. I can’t expect them to be that way with everyone else but not with me.
I’m getting what I wanted, but I didn’t know how shocking it would be. But the more I think about it, the more I like the trade. I’m happy to deal with cultural problems because I can see that there are also good things about this different culture.
Giving up some cultural norm
When we moved to a new country, it showed us things about our old culture that we had never thought about before.
I’m still surprised when my kids wave, smile, and make eye contact with their teachers and principal while calling them by name. I was taught to say “Hello sir” or “Hello ma” on my knees, even in school. I tried to tell them to use “sir” at first, but they looked at me like I was crazy and said, “Mom, that doesn’t happen here.”
I had to learn some things on my own, too. Because I’ve been taught how to talk to older people for decades, it’s still hard for me to know their first names when I work with them or go to church with them.
I’m used to my kids asking me a lot of “whys.”
“Why can’t I do what guys do and twist my hair?”
“Why can’t I have braids in different colors? How would that make me look crazy?”
“Why do I have to get down on my knees to greet other African parents?”
My husband and I have come to realize that we need to answer some of these questions in a convincing way. We just went along with a lot of things because it was considered rude to question older people, parents, or rules that had been around for hundreds of years back home.
We’ve had to go through the painful and sometimes frustrating process of letting go of cultural values we’ve held onto our whole lives and meeting our kids in the present.
We have learned that it is not rude when they disagree with some of our ideas and stand up for what they think is right. They just need good reasons, and “because I’m your mom/dad” isn’t one of them.
They are taught to look their teachers in the eye and argue about things they think differently about. They bring this up at home, and I have to understand that they are not being rude. Rudeness is defined by the situation you are in.
I’ve come to realize that my kids aren’t being rude; they’re just being taught respect in a very different way.
Future is brigh
Coming to Canada was a big step in their lives. We wanted to set our kids up for success so they could take over the world. I just didn’t know that the decision had so much more in it.
Even though there are some problems, I would still choose to come here.
My 18-year-old son drives his younger siblings to school, goes to college, and works part-time to make extra money. I see him making decisions I’ve never been able to make on my own, doing things I’ve never been able to do, and being able to look at life from a different angle.
I have been set free from long-held beliefs and values that I never questioned. When they were put to the test, they fell apart.
The experience has been both exciting and painful, but the future looks so bright when I look into it.
I’m sure that these kids of mine are ready to face whatever comes their way.
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